My Birthday Month filled with Tests!

I entered the doctor's office with shaky legs and a loving, supportive husband on June 30. Right away I felt at ease talking to my new doctor. He went on and on about how him and his first wife had experienced the same pain and confusion of infertility. He made me feel like he really cared and him sharing his own story meant a lot. It is important to me because with doctor's today, you never know what you are going to get! He got along with Jerry right away and I knew from that first appointment that with them two together there was always going to be a smile found through the tears. He encouraged me not to have the negative thoughts that come along with infertility and promised me we would be pregnant within a year. 

The first and foremost test would be Jerry's semen analysis. This excited me because I just knew they were going to draw my blood that day, to which I had been fearful of since 1999! I am 29 years old and up until this point my mother had to go to all my appointments that involved blood work! Very embarrassing, but I had a fear of needles dating all the way back to 1999 when I had melanoma taken off my back! Jerry wasn't the only one. I was to be scheduled for an HSG this month as well. We left the hospital very confident that day and I felt very good about the way everything had gone! Jerry went on July 5th to have his semen analysis. The results were off the charts! He was over abundant and his little guys knew just where they were going. Fear set in! Oh my lord, it IS me! Oh my gosh, what am I going to do? Jerry is never going to have kids and it is going to be my fault! Why hadn't we checked this out before we got married, they should do that before anyone gets married. You may think this is funny, but it really isn't. These are the kind of thoughts that haunted me! I had begun to ask around and ended up feeling much better to find out that the woman is always easier to "fix". I had also looked into this HSG test and it didn't sound like much fun! Jerry and I arrived at the Medical Center on July 9th  to have my procedure done. I was told the procedure involved injecting dye into my cervix and fallopian tubes to make sure Jerry's little guys could get to where they needed to go. When the nurse said catheter I almost came off the table! I had a catheter years back and was not a big fan to say the least! She was going to insert this catheter into my cervix?! I couldn't really turn back now! As I lay on that cold steel table, tears ran down my face from the cramps and the pain. I looked over to see a horrible grimace on Jerry's face and all of a sudden I knew this was just as hard for him. Tears flowed as I wondered "Why God?" "Why Us?" Through the tears came joy as I heard the radiologist say that everything looked great! I couldn’t believe it! When the room stopped spinning, I got off the table and Jerry helped me get my clothes on! I thank God for Jerry everyday because I couldn’t have gotten through that day or any of the ones to follow without him! The next step was the one I knew was coming up and the one I had dreaded from the beginning! July 23^rd was my appointment for my day 21 blood work! I asked my sister, Dana if she would accompany me and of course she said yes. She even brought my precious niece so everyone could see her! I’m very happy to announce that July 23^rd was officially the last day of my fear of needles! God took that fear away in just the right time! I have been poked since then several times and probably will be poked many more! Thank God for His perfect timing! My progesterone level was 11.13. We had our follow up with doctor G on July 30^th and he explained that while my progesterone level was considered good, it could be better. He was going to start me on a pill called Clomid that was going to elevate my progesterone level and therefore increase my chances of becoming pregnant. I never imagined what else Clomid would do…..

A New Doctor and A New Hope

Before I knew it May was here and it was time to schedule my yearly gynecology exam with Doctor D. There was only one problem with this. Doctor D. had ventured out of gynecology and started practicing weight management. She now only practiced light gynecology and was not going to deliver babies anymore. Still very confident that I would be pregnant very soon, I decided to change doctors. I went with a male this time, Doctor G. I had been told by my sister and a few other women that he was very good so I was very confident in making my decision. To my surprise there wasn't a very long wait to get in with him either! When I called to schedule my yearly exam I didn't think it would hurt just to ask if I should schedule a different kind of appointment to talk to him about infertility (at this point I couldn't even believe I was saying that word like I was in a statistic), but I knew that I didn't want to mess up their schedule by taking up too much time in an appointment. The sweet lady at the front desk explained to me that if I had been charting my cycle like I had for at least six months then I was more than prepared to talk to Doctor G. about infertility and I was correct in thinking that it needed more time than just the yearly exam allowed. It was official by the time I hung up the phone...I had my first "infertility" appointment with my new doctor on June 30, 2010. I didn't know if I should be excited or not. I prayed non stop up until that day that I would be pregnant walking into that office. I knew that it seemed far fetched, but I told myself even if I wasn't pregnant by the end of June I had a new hope! This is the first time I was actually able to wrap my head around the fact that I may need help other than the free stuff on the Internet, or the sticks that I had relied on for their positive results.

The test that would give me a Positive

No results....and all of a sudden three months had passed. Every month I trusted this free calendar to provide me with my two most fertile days and finally answer some of the questions that haunted me. I had done exactly what it suggested in trying to time it perfectly. It was very simple you see because all I had to do was enter numbers and it told me exactly what days to try to conceive my miracle. When this hadn't produced any results, I decided to try the next best thing...ovulation predictor kits. Much like pregnancy tests, these can be somewhat pricey. With much needed advice from others, I decided to go the extra five dollars and get the one with twenty sticks instead of just seven since I obviously didn't know when I ovulated being that my free ovulation chart had failed me three months. What I didn't mention before and probably should have, my cycle had been late every month since I got off birth control. This does not help at all when you are subconsciously waiting to see what may happen. It proves to be even worse when you start charting and timing because you realize that you have no knowledge or control over your own body! So following the instructions under the "I have no idea how many days my cycle lasts" in the ovulation kit, I started getting up three days after I ended my cycle every morning and peeing in the cup that it provided. I had to start getting up early for work at least five minutes because this is how long you wait before reading the results. As the directions state, as soon as you see a positive line in the test area as dark or darker than the line in the control area, you are supposed to try and conceive immediately. The positive line on the test side signals a detection in LH surge, the hormone released right before ovulation. You are supposed to have two consecutive days that you get a positive sign and these are supposed to be your two most fertile days. It went on to say that if you get no positive sign at all, then it is a great possibility you may not ovulate at all and should consult your doctor. Now you will see why I was very happy to be able to use a test that would indeed give me a positive result and it gave me that for two months!

Nothing has happened!?!

So Jerry and I had been "not preventing" since September and come January when nothing had happened, we started wondering why! This is when reality and the first fears set in. What is wrong with me?! Oh it must be Jerry because he is over 30. I just knew it would happen right away and we would be unsure as to why we had even thought about a baby this soon! Wrong, wrong, wrong! All wrong thoughts, but as you will learn through my journey.. there are many wrong thoughts throughout this process. You don't want them, but they find a way to creep into your head even at your most happiest times of the day!
So it is January and I am freaking out. When in the first place I wasn't "trying" for a baby anyway! Yeah right. This begins the fun and oh so confusing start of surfing the web. I still can't today say if this can be categorized under mistakes or not. With everything I read, I decided the first and most inexpensive thing to do was to chart my cycle. By putting in the first day of my cycle this wonderful ovulation calendar that was free would tell me when my most fertile days were to try and conceive! It was genius and not much to do on my part, which I liked. It was easy, free, and made me feel like I was being proactive for once. The results......................nothing.

We aren't "Trying", just "Not Preventing"

Like I said before in my bio, my husband, Jerry and I got married in March of 2009 following a nearly four year courtship. I was 27 and he 33 years old. I had been on birth control for almost 10 years so both Jerry and I decided that it wouldn't hurt anything to come off of it and see what may happen. I was sure that I would get pregnant right away and this would later prove to be my biggest mistake! I truly believe that even though you say we aren't trying; we are just "not preventing", you have, as a couple taken the first step in trying to get pregnant. You just don't want to admit it. This is the first mental step because you are basically saying that everything will be alright if you come up with a positive result on the most famous test of all.